A Note About the Author
For those of you that haven’t heard, I was (more or less) laid off last week. Not even two hours after submitting last week’s recap in fact. I was technically furloughed, which basically means “we don’t want to let you go, but we also don’t have any money to pay you with”. If things turn around then it’s just a bit of unpaid vacation, but I’m certainly not banking on it. So after six years I’m back on the job hunt. As of now I’m planning on continuing to write these, but obviously things are a bit in flux right now so I can’t make any guarantees about the future of this little (ok not that little) column. In the interest of me getting my life back on track the word count on these will probably drop a bit though.
Peyton Manning broke the record for most career touchdown passes Sunday night. Obviously I’m happy for him, though a little embarrassed that I benched him. After the record breaking touchdown the Denver receiving corps played a quick game of keep away with the ball, antagonizing their history-obsessed QB to no end as he couldn’t get the ball to store it away for safekeeping. It looked like an adorable moment as a bunch of guys playfully teased their notoriously dorky (and dorky looking) QB. BUT IT WAS ALL A LIE. It already takes a special kind of control freak to ask your teammates to stage the whole thing, but only a psychopath on the level of Peyton Manning would have them PRACTICE IT BEFOREHAND.
***MATCHUP OF THE WEEK***
T TARD (3-4) over The Bortle Squad (3-4)
Visual Approximation:
GOLD…en Tate was really good this week. Sorry, that’s all I’ve got.
Clayton wins our only decent matchup this week. Everything else was low scoring, a blowout, or a low scoring blowout. “Erratic” is the best way I can describe his week in one word. Golden Tate finally looked like a capable replacement for Calvin Johnson with ten catches for 154 and a TD. Andre Ellington didn’t score, but he made up for that with 160 total yards giving him an even 22 fantasy points. Pierre Garcon, Kendall Wright, and Lamar Miller were all in that “good not great” 15-20 range. Joe Flacco was by no means bad, but he wasn’t nearly as ELITE as he was last week, not that he needed to be in that shellacking of Atlanta. Terrence Williams did a lot with his one catch, but it could only get him 8.8 points. Then there’s poor injured Jimmy Graham. At first I was going to make fun of Clayton for starting an injured player (don’t worry I get to do that to Matt later), but Graham did actually play. He got all of two targets and zero catches. Basically he was just out there to draw some defensive attention. Add all that up and Clayton maintains his somewhat confusing position of top scorer of the year but still two games out of a playoff spot.
Chang put up a good fight, but he couldn’t quite overcome a few bad performances. Matt Forte couldn’t make it to 30 again in a week where Chang really needed him to. 28.9 is still spectacular of course. Randall Cobb has his best yardage day all year and his second best fantasy day with 24.3. Mike Wallace continues to be maddeningly consistent. Every game this year he’s been between 12.5 and 19.1. Delanie Walker was bad again, but he hasn’t broken into the double digits since week four so it’s not a huge surprise. Chang’s biggest problem was Branden Oliver falling back to earth after two weeks in the stratosphere. 9.8 points isn’t the end of the world or anything, but after two weeks of looking like a budding superstar and breaking the 20-point barrier this setback cost Chang a close one. With Ryan Mathews expected back soon it’ll be interesting to see how Oliver’s workload changes.
Depressing sidenote: Perhaps sharing my irrational fear of the 49ers defense (or hoping his favorite team wouldn’t get clobbered) Chang benched Ronnie Hillman. Unlike me he couldn’t get away with it, Hillman had his best game of the year by far and would’ve given Chang the win if he started him in any of the obvious places.
Kickers Are People Too (5-2) over I’m Retarded? (2-5)
Visual Approximation:
Derek’s win streak is now up to five, so I’m deeming him our league’s juggernaut. Now just imagine if Zac Stacy was allowed to touch the ball! Despite his 0, Derek led all scores this week with some ridiculous performances. If Demaryius Thomas can keep up his current production I’m not sure Derek can lose another game. In the last three weeks Thomas has AVERAGED just short of nine catches, 173 receiving yards, and almost two touchdowns, for just over 36 fantasy points. But the scoring doesn’t stop there. Aaron Rodgers did quite well in his first week on Derek’s team, putting up 24.3 points. That must sting for Stu. Ahmad Bradshaw and Dez Bryant broke into the twenties as well. Owen Daniels and DeAndre Hopkins put up good fantasy scores as well. If we exclude the mysterious disappearance of Zac Stacy, Mohamed Sanu was the only position player starting for Derek that had neither 100 yards nor a touchdown.
116.1 points with your first round pick on bye is far from embarrassing, but it wasn’t nearly enough to match up to Derek this week. For what feels like the first time all season, quarterback was NOT the problem for Ryan. Eli bounced back after an atrocious game last week to play well in a loss to Dallas. Antonio Brown was his usual productive self as well. The problem is that Ryan’s standout performance was sitting on his bench. Sammy Watkins had the best game of his young career, scoring twice and breaking the 100-yard barrier for a total of 33.2 fantasy points. Though to be fair even with a perfect lineup Ryan wouldn’t be able to catch Derek. Bishop Sankey struggling was hardly a surprise, but Giovani Bernard putting up the worst rushing totals of his career as a starter certainly was. Michael Floyd and Charles Clay both caught TD’s but didn’t have enough catches or yards to make a difference.
Depressing (for Stu) sidenote: As mentioned above, Aaron Rodgers scored 24.3 fantasy points in his first week on Derek’s roster. The two players he traded to get Rodgers (Reggie Wayne and Cam Newton for those curious) COMBINED for 19.8.
Bledsoe loves Brady’s balls (3-4) over Julius Thomas the Tank Engine (4-3)
Visual Approximation:
Boone didn’t exactly blow anyone’s minds with his 114.3, but it was plenty to overcome Stu’s worst week all year. For one week at least Boone believed in Tony Romo, who led all of his scorers this week. His next best score actually came from the Vikings defense, in a bit of a surprise. After an outstanding week 1, Minnesota’s D/ST had been a joke, never breaking double digits and going negative twice. But, it looks like a trip to Buffalo was just the thing they needed (fantasy-wise at least, Minnesota still lost the game). Four turnovers and six(!) sacks had them flirting with twenty fantasy points. Eddie Lacy at least broke 15, but this felt more like Stu losing rather than Boone winning. His score was in the exact middle of everyone this week.
Not breaking 80 requires a special kind of failure, let’s look at how Stu managed it this week! Touchdowns give lots of pesky points, so Stu made sure to not have any of them. Quarterbacks are often a source of lots of points but Philip Rivers chimed in with his worst game all year, barely breaking 200 yards while throwing a pick and only two QT’s. Your top scorer can’t amount to much, and Trent Richardson sure didn’t. He broke 100 yards but those were mostly rushing, with only four catches to take advantage of our PPR ruleset. Even scarier is that those four catches actually put him in a 5-way tie for team lead. His 16.8 is by no means bad, but it’s not what you want from your top score. Bad games from star players are a necessity, and Marshawn Lynch’s 9.1 along with Julius Thomas’ 6.7 definitely qualify. Another thing that helps? A big fat zero, which Stu supplied when he was too cowardly to start a defense. Benching Carolina’s D/ST was the right move, and they’ve now gone negative in four of five weeks, but the St. Louis special teams were the deciding factor in their win vs. Seattle, and Stu could’ve used their 8.5 points. It would’ve at least kept him from being this week’s low score.
Depressing sidenote: We can’t declare trade rape after one game right? Reggie Wayne immediately having his worst game of the year along with a middling performance from Cam Newton make it awful tempting though…
HALFTIME
No job means no commute, no commute means no scheduled reading time, so I didn’t really read any more Lovecraft after last week’s update, sorry Jen.
Silly MATT wins are for me (5-2) over Three Prom Queens (5-2)
Visual Approximation:
Like that title game, this was a very hyped matchup between good teams that ended up being an embarrassing blowout.
So Russell Wilson had 106 rushing yards and a TD. Connie’s three running backs had 106 rushing yards and a TD. None of them threw for 313 and 2 QT’s though. Wilson might not be as consistent as some of the best fantasy QB’s just yet, but he might have a higher ceiling than any of them. Connie’s other big games came from some more unlikely sources. Shane Vereen didn’t do much on the ground, but his 2 receiving TD’s more than made up for that fact. With Percy Harvin gone Doug Baldwin stepped up and more than doubled his best fantasy day of the season. Jordy had 18, which is pretty ho hum for the year he’s been having. Jeremy Hill and Justin Hunter were both terrible, but at least they weren’t placed on IR and then started anyways…
…Much like Matt did with Stevan Ridley. Le’Veon Bell did everything he could Monday night to make Matt’s score look respectable, but he could quite carry him to 100. The rest of the team was well…. shit. Allen Robinson and Emmanuel Sanders both had TD catches to hide their lack of production, no one else could even manage that much. Larry Donnell had a better game than either of them, but he fumbled twice to bring his score down. Alfred Morris and Andre Williams both had 18 carries but only combined for 105 yards rushing. Neither had a catch, further limiting their scores. Matt Ryan hasn’t broken 15 since week 4.
Depressing sidenote: This week in dumb Matt luck: Only Matt could lose by 45 yet lose no ground in his division thanks to them going 0-4.
Creepy Rob Lowe Watchin U Swim (5-2) over Started From The Bottom (3-4)
Visual Approximation:
Just in case you hadn’t seen it.
Nothing real exciting out of my team this week, just enough solid performances to give me a win in a very bad week for Mahoney. The most noteworthy thing I did was bench Manning and Welker because I was afraid of the 49ers defense and the potential pressure of that TD record ruining their offense Sunday night. That turned out to be foolish, but also inconsequential. Manning got his history, and Welker finally caught a TD pass. But that’s alright, Brady still torched the Jets like always and Torrey Smith actually caught a TD of his own and outscored Welker. DeMarco Murray actually had his worst fantasy day of the season but still broke 20, a testament to how amazing his year has been so far. His 28 carries is still distressingly high though. My tight ends continue to be workhorses, breaking a combined 30 points yet again. Andre Holmes and Ben Tate both disappointed, but their services really weren’t required this week.
Things just weren’t clicking for Mahoney. Matt Stafford was far from great but still led all of Mahoney’s scores with a paltry 16.1. Justin Forsett, Brandon Marshall, Julian Edelman, Steve Smith, and Martellus Bennett were all between 9.2 and 10.8. A few of those low-to-middling scores are survivable, but five of them are not. To make matters worse, Fred Jackson left his game early with a groin injury and could miss several weeks. Despite his team’s rare success, Cecil Shorts III was basically a non-factor in Jacksonville’s win. Mahoney needs Ryan Mathews and Calvin Johnson (and Fred Jackson for that matter) back ASAP.
Depressing sidenote: As poor as Mahoney’s score was, he was less than three points from being optimized, it just was not his week.
Sad Cowboy (2-5) over The Fighting Mongooses (2-5)
Visual Approximation:
Here’s Victoria as Kermit being welcomed to the 5 loss club.
Nick’s team was very much haves and have nots. Jamaal Charles, Arian Foster, Marques Colston, and Odell Beckham Jr. all eclipsed 17 points (though only Beckham made it over 20), while the remainder of the team couldn’t make it to 10. Especially bad were his pair of tight ends, Jason Witten and Jordan Cameron couldn’t even cobble together a combined seven points. Jay Cutler was so bad that his best WR’s locker room tirade became national news. And Nick actually WON.
Andrew Luck and Chris Ivory made up more than half of Victoria’s total, which is a problem with both barely broke 20 points. Anquan Boldin and Jarius Wright were her only other players in double digits, and they combined for just 22 points. Frank Gore disappearing is becoming a scarily common occurrence, but Alshon Jeffery didn’t even get to half of his previous season low. Then there’s Vernon Davis. In week one he had 20.4 points. In weeks 2-7 (none of which was a bye) he’s had 19.8 points combined. Scary stuff.
Depressing sidenote: After putting up a -.5, the Seahawks D/ST that Victoria took so ridiculously early is averaging less than six points a game, making them 23rd in average points scored among defenses.
Waiver Wire Stupidity
Last night was a doozy. We had eight acquisitions, highlighted by Clayton going all out and spending $54 combined on Tre Mason and Bryce Brown. My favorite part was Mahoney getting Denard Robinson for $16, beating out Matt F, who also bid $16, and Derek, who also also bid $16. The rare situation where overall standings actually worked as a tiebreaker! Also, Ryan got human giraffe Mike Glennon for free, good for him.
The Playoff Picture
We’re now somehow halfway through the regular season! Thanks to an 0-4 week, the Chodes remained right where they were a week ago, with Matt holding a two game lead over Chang and a three game lead over Victoria and Ryan King. Thanks to a 4-0 week, the Chuckleheads also remained right where they were a week ago, with Connie holding a lead over me thanks to points, with Clayton and Boone two games back. A 2-2 week among the Austin Manchildren let Derek extend his lead over Stu and Mahoney, while Nick’s win helped keep him in contention. As of right now no one is more than three games out of a playoff spot. If the playoffs were to start right now I would be the wild card, with a one game lead over Stu.
A Look Ahead
Me vs. Victoria
My byes: Stevie Johnson
Victoria’s byes: Frank Gore, Anquan Boldin, Vernon Davis, Colin Kaepernick
Not that I’m in the business of helping out my competition, but as of Wednesday afternoon due to byes and injuries Victoria cannot field a full starting lineup, might want to look into that.
Ryan King vs. Boone
Ryan’s byes: Eli Manning
Boone’s byes: none
Both of these guys need a win real bad. Ryan is counting on his blatant homerism to carry him to victory via Mike Glennon.
Nick vs. Clayton
Nick’s byes: Odell Beckham Jr.
Clayton’s byes: 49ers D/ST
Clayton is still our top scoring team and Nick is still our unluckiest team in terms of points allowed. Will the trends hold?
Derek vs. Connie
Derek’s byes: Carlos Hyde, Rashad Jennings
Connie’s byes: None
Can Connie stop the juggernaut? Personally I’m just happy that one of them has to lose.
Chang vs. Mahoney
No byes!
They’re both a few good games from a playoff spot, can’t afford to drop another game.
Matt F vs. Stu
Matt’s byes: Andre Williams, Larry Donnell, Reuben Randle
Stu’s byes: Michael Crabtree
Two teams that have been on a downswing lately, how will Matt’s dumb luck work out for him this week?
Rogue Group Writing 